Graduation

The only thing I recall with middle-aged clarity about my high school graduation is stepping outside of the gym following the ceremony and finding no one waiting to congratulate me in front of the school. As I drove home in our faded-yellow Cavalier, I wondered what was so important that I couldn’t have at least been extended that minor courtesy. My answer arrived once I pulled into our driveway and stepped into the house to find family and friends waiting to celebrate the accomplishment in more comfortable surroundings. I quickly abandoned my disappointment and enjoyed the rest of the evening. My memory also fails me as to anything I might have been gifted, but what I haven’t forgotten is who was present with me. That would not be the last time such a significant detail instructed me about what’s most important overall about life’s milestones — who has been willingly present with you.

Our oldest graduated from high school yesterday. It’s her accomplishment, of course, and we have fully celebrated with her in a number of ways. I look forward to what’s to come for her and plan on being present for the road ahead as well, understanding a little better the day after, as I think about the next steps, the truth that parenting is indeed a lifelong commitment. As I held her face in my hands, kissed her forehead, and told her I was proud of her, any frustrations I bore up to that point over the last several years since she came to us at the impressionable age of eight didn’t matter so much anymore. The often expressed notion from seasoned parents that it’s all worth it began to materialize in a very new and fulfilling way for me, as did appreciation for the task of parenting and my own parents’ sacrifices to raise me.

Any parent would echo that your kids’ accomplishments feel, to an extent, like your own. You understand the extensive efforts and support that went into bringing them to this point, even if they don’t, at least not completely enough to appreciate. That impression can feel more pronounced if their life before you entered it was less than ideal and stood to take a very different, potentially unfortunate course.

The other half of the truth, however, is that they have to accept what you provide and make a conscious, grateful effort over the days, months, and years, even if an imperfect effort. Progress, not perfection, as they say. I’m happy to say last night is evidence that she has made such an effort, if the genuine smile on her face is any evidence of the attitude she has chosen.

So, I pray and expect she, like me, will remember best in these moments not what but who was a part of them.

Congratulations to our oldest, our kid in every sense of the word.